.com If you are a mother and many of your conversations with your teenage daughter begin with a rolling of eyes, move into shrieked insults, and end with a door slam, I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You! could save you both. As Roni Cohen-Sandler and Michelle Silver illustrate, even if you often seem to be living on two different planets, conflict does not have to define your relationship. Cohen-Sandler, a clinical psychologist specializing in issues of women and adolescent girls, and Silver, senior editor of Girls' Life magazine, have done mothers a great service with this thoroughly researched book. Their main point is simple: arguments are bound to occur, but if approached correctly, confrontation can actually lead to deeper mutual understanding and a stronger mother-daughter bond. Consistently working through battles also demonstrates a sense of constancy that will offer good lessons for future relationships. Through case studies, exercises, and detailed scenarios, the authors describe the most effective ways to communicate about such loaded topics as dating, sexuality, drugs and alcohol, and peer pressure, paying particular attention to the "classic battle starters": the state of her bedroom, her clothing, and her makeup and jewelry choices. Other in-depth chapters focus on the right and wrong ways to respond to verbal attacks and the importance of choosing battles wisely. Some of their advice will not be easy to follow, especially when the fight is on, but if some effort is exerted, these tips should help mothers and daughters not only survive, but even enjoy, the teen years.From Publishers WeeklyCohen-Sandler, a psychologist, and Silver, an editor of Girl's Life magazine, offer advice to mothers anxious about surviving their daughters' teen years. The authors assume that conflict is a given. Their aim is to provide mothers with strategies for coping with problems and even turning them into something positive. They reason that if girls learn how to handle conflict early on, if they can develop constructive ways of coping with their emotions, they will be that much further ahead in life. The authors offer some interesting examples and suggestions: advising mothers to choose their battles carefully and to calm themselves down before confronting their daughters. They take the usual approach of telling readers what to say and what not to say through a series of short, familiar vignettes. The organization is confusing, however, and leads to some repetition. In their attempt to be sympathetic to teens, the authors at times sound like apologists ("This kind of exasperating self-centeredness, for better or worse, is simply a part of being a teen"), making mothers want to tiptoe timidly around their daughters. The authors shy away from some big issues as well: they tell the story of a mother waiting for the results of a daughter's HIV test but squelch the opportunity to discuss AIDS issues in general. By the time they finish reading, mothers may find themselves yearning for a chapter, if not an entire book, written especially for their daughters on the pressures of motherhood. Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.From Library JournalCohen-Sandler, a clinical psychologist, and Silver, the senior editor of Girls' Life, present a commonsense guide to communication between mothers and teenage daughters. The book's value lies in concrete examples of events most mothers and daughters face as they mature. After a slow start, the numerous scenarios and conversation excerpts illustrate things to do and say quite well. More importantly, what not to do and say is also detailed. The authors briefly discuss some of the serious and life-threatening issues that may confront some parents and teens. Excellent checklists help determine whether a professional should be consulted. The authors recognize that this is easier said than done, but they reassure mothers that they are not alone and should trust their instincts and stay the course. This pep talk could be read daily by every mother of a teenage daughter. Recommended for public libraries. (Index and bibliography not seen.)AMargaret Cardwell, Georgia Perimeter Coll., ClarkstonCopyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc. what is a flat logo design I'm Not Mad, I Just Hate You!: A New Understanding of Mother-Daughter Conflict
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful. I was not happy with this book at allBy angelaI was not happy with this book at all. I read the same problems I am having with my daughter,but there weren't any solutions. Save your money!0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. just glad my daughters get to deal with thisBy MMitchellGave me more insight to try and understand my granddaughter. I still don't get it, just glad my daughters get to deal with this. Things are so different now.1 of 1 people found the following review helpful. I've gone through several copiesBy Nathaniel T. BartelsI got this book for friends of mine who have daughters, and they have praised the book greatly. I would recommend it to anyone interested. Granted - I don't have daughters nor children yet myself nor am I a mother - so all I can pass on is second-hand information - but it's been well received by those I have gifted it to.