"Kaufmann is a wise and clever microsociologist, inspired by Erving Goffman, by fashion magazines, and by kittenish and cougarish women. He is the voice of the annoyed, the vexed, the fearful, and the comforted." Contemporary Sociology "Living in an increasingly detraditionalised world opens up glorious new opportunities for individual autonomy and self-realisation. It also creates unprecedented pressures on long-term relationships. Kaufmann brilliantly captures this paradox of life in late modernity, analysing the seemingly limitless sources of mutual irritation in everyday life, as well as spouses' inventive revenge and peacemaking tactics." Vronique Mottier, Jesus College, Cambridge University of Lausanne "Jean-Claude Kaufman's Gripes is one of those rare books that brings into focus a seemingly unimportant fact of life. Irritation and the slow abrasive effect of the gripes it causes are sands that grind down the gears of relationships. Behavioral scientists and self-help advisers make so much of the powerful passions. Kaufman brilliantly illuminates the simpler forces of social disruption." Charles C. Lemert, author of Muhammad Ali: Trickster in the Culture of IronyFrom the Back CoverWe all know what its like to be annoyed by little things that our husband, wife or partner does leaving the cap off the toothpaste tube, leaving the toilet lid up, leaving dirty clothes on the floor and we know how easily these little grievances of everyday life can spin out of control. In this brilliant new book the sociologist Jean-Claude Kaufmann shows us how and why sparks can suddenly fly even in the most well-adjusted couples. They see themselves as being in total harmony but they are mistaken! The clash between their uniquely individual attitudes to life rumbles on in silence until suddenly erupting in emotional outbursts each time an object or an attitude reveals for the thousandth time the unbearable and incomprehensible otherness of the partner. When this occurs, a whole panoply of tactics is deployed, ranging from the combative (secret acts of revenge) through the neutral (sulking) to the subtly loving. But these stormy episodes within relationships can have a happy ending, for it is through learning to overcome these irritations and aggravations that love is ultimately strengthened.About the AuthorJean-Claude Kaufmann, Professor of Sociology, University of Paris V, Sorbonne Translated by Helen Morrison where can i download textbooks for free Gripes
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Like looking in the mirror.By CustomerI am a big fan of JC Kaufman - his book Washing Up on clothes washing among couples was really pathbreaking for those of us interested in the details of daily life. Gripes is a more personal book in many ways, because the quarrels and annoyances of the couples he studies are so true to any of us who have tried tom maintain long-terms relationships. If you have ever muttered angrily to yourself while finding the closet light on for the thousandth time, or felt like it was unfair that you always ended up setting the table, then you will find yourself in this book. The book is not at all analytical - Kaufman intrudes into this rich material mainly by organizing it into categories and explaining how things work, how different people deal with annoyances, and how sometimes they escalate, while at other times they are defused and diffused.My gripe about this book is that Kaufman has such a great opportunity to think about broader issues, but does not take it. What about couples where power is imbalanced - say when one leaves a poor apartment to move into a mate's palatial one? There is something very universal about the people in this book, but isn't there also something very French? I was surprised how little there was on infidelity, on conflicts between homosociality (with the boys, with the girls) versus heterosociality (dinner parties for couples). There is also no temporality to the book - aren't there stages, phases and long-term change in relationships? How is a first serious relationship different from a second, third or moreth? But in many ways this book is the groundwork, the platform from which anthropologists and sociologists can start engaging with the everyday realities of peoples' lives. Why has it taken so long to get here?0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Needs an editor!By tbehmI read this book through my school's library. Terrible. The introduction starts off by mistaking "attenuating circumstances" for "extenuating circumstances". This author's style is to rely on a thesaurus to embellish his writing with missuited, esoteric, and unnecessary adjectives at every possible opportunity. Did this even have an editor? Probably not. Do not buy.