Praise forMother-Daughter DuetThe special bond between mothers and daughters doesnt have to vanish as our daughters leave the nest. Written with honesty, insight, and love, Cheri Fuller and Ali Plum take turns giving inspiring advice and practical tips on how mothers and daughters can forge an alliance that offers meaningful gifts to each other. This sweet book will be a wonderful bridge between mothers and their adult daughters.SHARON HERSH, author of The Last Addiction and BraveheartsGot conflict? Cheri Fuller and Ali Plum have a book that will help you understand the challenges and transitions of the mother-daughter relationship. With meticulous research, personal vulnerability, and right-on wisdom, they reveal tools that bring resolution, understanding, and transformation to complicated relationships. Dont be surprised if yourecognize a version of your own story in this not-to-be-missed book. Youll find answers that produce positive results.CAROL KENT, speaker and author of When I Lay My Isaac DownMother-Daughter Duet is a wonderful book, a story told from the heart, full of ideas on how to connect in loving, healthy ways with our daughters and even our daughters-in-law. JENNIFER ROTHSCHILD, speaker and author of Lessons I Learned in the DarkWe shared Mother-Daughter Duet around our office, and we all gained help and hope for relationships with daughters, daughters-in-law, and our own mothers! Thanks for a very honest practical read. PAM FARREL, relationship specialist, international speaker, and author of more than thirty booksDisarmingly honest and inspiring, this amazing book will become your trusted guide through the mysterious waters in your own motherdaughter relationship. If youve ever been tempted to drive four hundred miles to take your sad daughter to lunch, or felt the need to escape your moms presence abruptly, or hide dark emotions from an overly concerned mom, youll love the honest insights in the section, A Daughters Perspective. This book will bring hope for now and help for the uncharted relational territory to come.LESLIE PARROTT, founder of Realrelationships.com and author of You Matter More Than You ThinkMother-Daughter Duet is a helpful and wise resource for those struggling with mother-daughter relationship issues. I gleaned some great tips that will help me be a better friend to my adult daughter.LESLIE VERNICK, licensed counselor, speaker, and author of Lord, I Just Want to be Happy and The EmotionallyDestructive RelationshipAbout the AuthorCHERI FULLER is a best-selling, award-winning author whose books have sold more than one million copies. She speaks to a wide range of women at women's conferences and is a frequent guest on national radio and television programs. ALI PLUM is Cheri's daughter, a writer and songwriter, a wife, and a mother to Noah and Luke. She and her mom have weathered the ups and downs of their relationship to find one of the most treasured, honest relationships of their lives. Ali has recorded background vocals for popular musicians, and Mother-Daughter Duet is her debut into book publishing.Excerpt. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.IntroductionAn Intricate DuetWe all hope to feel our mothers arm around ourshoulders when were worried, to feel it gently letgo when life calms down. Its an intricate duet thatmoms and daughters danceone backing off whenthe other needs space, moving up close when theunfamiliar threatens.CATHIE KRYCZKA, WWW.TODAYSPARENT.COMOne late afternoon seven years ago, I took care of my daughters baby and toddler boys while she went to the doctor. I walked around the house, holding four-month-old Luke in my arms, patting his little back and singing to him to help his colic. Today hes a healthy seven year-old, but those were stressful monthsand long nights of Ali being up with night-owl baby Luke. My daughters young family lived with us at the time, so I helped whenever I could.Hungry, Nandy! Nuggets! Cheerios! twenty-month-old Noah implored. Holding Luke, I raced around the kitchen, popping chicken nuggets on a cookie sheet and into the oven, then handing him a cup of Cheerios to stave off his hunger. I turned on a Barney video to entertain Noah while the chicken nuggets baked and kept patting and rocking Luke. Needless to say, after two hours this grandma was pooped!When Ali walked in, she took Luke from me and gave him a kiss. I offered her a glass of iced tea and a muffin, and we sat down in the family room. I was hoping we could talk since Luke had simmered down a bit.Howd your doctors appointment go?After her brief answer I said, You know, honey, I read this week that when a nursing mom consumes citrus fruits, dairy, and even caffeine, it can cause gas in the baby. Cutting those out might help Luke cry less. What do you think?In seconds I knew Id said the wrong thing.With Luke awake all night, how do you think I could get through the day without several cups of coffee? I cant cut out caffeine!Then I started trying to explain that the article had suggested she could drink black or green tea instead. Mistake number two. That just made her madder.You just dont understand, and youre so annoying, she said, grabbing her diaper bag. She took Noahs hand and headed for the door. Im going for a ride.I was sorry to have irritated her, and I believed I was only trying to help by offering a little suggestion. No chat, no thank-yous for caring for the boys; just biting my head off and leaving.I often had no idea what kind of mood my daughter would be inangry or euphoric, depressed or pleasant. Occasionally we had some great moments together, but those were becoming few and far between. Many times when we were around each other, I felt I couldnt do anything right. Whenever I opened my mouth, whatever I did, no matter how loving my intentionit would irritate her. Shed be exasperated and say, Oh Mom! or say nothing at all.Her resentment hurt. I felt her disdain and judgment and didnt know where it was coming from or what Id done to deserve it. I could see she was trying to separate and be her own person, and I was trying to give her the space she needed. I was also aware of our differences, but they didnt explain her attitude toward me or the distance between us.Time after time I was driven to God and prayernot as a last resort but because he told us to cast our cares, concerns, and worries on him (1 Peter 5:7)and I definitely had some concerns for my relationship with my daughter. I asked for strength and wisdom to know how to be a support to her in this transition time. I knew prayer was the greatest influence in my childrens livesespecially now that they were gone from homeand Id prayed countless prayers for her over the months and years. But nothing seemed to change in our relationship.I just wanted my daughter back, the daughter Id carried for nine months and held until she crawled and then learned to walkthe much anticipated only daughter whose birth was surrounded with so much joy it was like Christmas Day although it was November. I wanted the daughter back whod giggled as I pushed her in the swing at the park, smiled with her shining blue eyes in pictures, and loved for us to hop on our bikes and ride to Braums for an ice cream cone. And who, after winter school days, even in her preteen and early teenage years, asked me to stop for hot cocoa and talk. I just wanted us to get along like we used to.I loved my daughter immensely and didnt understand why as a young adult she was so angry with me and why she kept pushing me away. I gave herand our relationshipto God so many times I cant count, yet the rift in our relationship lasted through most of her twenties.Though I held fast to my faith during those years, I sometimes wondered, Will we ever have harmony between us or will her attitude toward me always be laced with hostility? Is our connection forever lost? Is she always going to be annoyed with me? Will we ever enjoy each other again? I didnt know.THE MOTHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP: A DUET OFSHADE AND LIGHTWe arent the only mother and daughter pair whove struggled or had tension in their relationship. Its common for a mother and daughters interaction to be rocky during the transition from adolescence and the twenties and even through adulthood. The mom-daughter connection is an intricate, close relationship that is static and changing at the same time. Its static because of the strong bond weve had since our childrens birth, and its changing because were human and our daughters are going through different stages of life, as we are as well. Even as our relationship spans the decades and seasons, its a paradox, and thats why its complicated.Think of all the history you have with your daughter, all the bonding and good times. First birthday and first day of school. First stitches and ballet shoes. School programs, Brownie Scout meetings, and inevitable skinned knees. First pierced earrings, lipstick, heels, and dates. Graduation and all the years and laughter and tearsand argumentsin between.The closeness of the mother-daughter bond holds much potential for conflict. Usually the conflict starts in the teenage years, if not before. When your daughter was little, she may have clip-clopped around in your red high heels and said, Mommy, I want to be just like you when I grow up! Yet when she arrived at adolescence, she started rolling her eyes atyour advice and letting you know that she didnt want to be anything like you.Sound familiar? Youre not alone, but there is hope. I too found my daughters separating-transitioning-individuating times difficult, and often baffling, as youll read about in the pages ahead.Yet today, about twelve years later, Ali and I have the friendshipthe mother-daughter duetId hoped for. We understand each other more, accept each other, and even appreciate our differences. We have forgiven each other for many hurts and made peace with the past. Most of the time we truly enjoy each others company and friendship. But it was not a quick process. It took a lot of work to get here. For a long while it seemed that when we were together, we clashed like a junior high school band more than we harmonized like a skilled orchestraand there was no way we were going to sing a duet. We had no idea what a long journey it would be, but its definitely been worth the effort.Along the way toward figuring out why things were strained between us and getting to a healthier, more enjoyable relationship, we discovered principles youll find woven through the stories and chapters aheadlike letting go, respecting and believing in your daughter, listening and taking care of yourselfand the powerful effect of forgiveness. All of these have helped turn our relationship around.CONVERSATIONS WITH MOTHERS AND DAUGHTERSEvery mother and daughter has a unique story of their relationship and life. Thats why Ali and I share our story as well as those of other moms and daughters of different ages and from different places. Over a period of many months, we interviewed many women. When I went to speak at a womens event in Dallas, Texas, or a rural area of Kansas, the Washington DC area, or California, I sat down and talked with women about their mother-daughter relationships: What was the hot button or issue that brought conflict between you? Whats the best way youve found to connect? What are the communication barriersthings you say that your daughter reacts to?If it was daughters I was talking with, I asked: What does your mom say that makes you want to stop the conversation? What do you need from your mom? What can your mom do to help your relationship? To moms we asked: Whats different about your daughters and your generations? What was your relationship with your own mother like? Whats a story you could tell me that shows how a turnaround happened in your mom-daughterrelationship?Though when we started Ali intended to interview the daughters and I the moms, she ended up interviewing some insightful mothers and I learned so much from talking with daughters. In coffee shops, restaurants, and airports, in our neighborhood, church, and other cities, via e-mail and Facebook, Ali and I talked with daughters from college age to forty-something and with moms from their late thirties to their seventies. We heard what they love about each other and what hurts and annoys them, what they like to do together and how they reconciled after a period of distanceand we share many of their stories in the chapters ahead.IS THIS BOOK FOR YOU?Looking into the past to process what had happened in our relationship is the hardest thing either of us has ever done. But we were willing to go there because we know what its like to come out of the struggle and conflict to relate as equals and adult friends and how enormously satisfying that is. Because of our experience, we want to provide hope for discouraged moms who think their daughters are too far gone, or for the mom who simply doesnt understand her daughter or just longs for a closer, more connected relationship.Weve heard so many women talk about their struggles and hopes in relationship to their moms or daughters. They spoke with candor and angst when it came to past and present experiences. Alis section, A Daughters Perspective, is a portal to help moms better understand what their daughters might be feeling in order to gain more effective ways torelate to them. In this part of each chapter, youll hear what your daughter might be thinking or has been trying to tell you for a long time. Its our hope that it may even produce an aha! moment that can empower and encourage you.Maybe as you read our story, youll think the issues facing you and your daughter are quite different than ours. Perhaps you get into shouting matches or exist in a cold war of silence because so many subjects are taboo, thus avoiding the issues that keep you apart. Your daughter is a woman now and thinks youre still mothering her, so she pushes you away. Or maybe your daughter knows exactly how to push your buttons and relishes doing so. Or you raised her in a good church and now shell have nothing to do with your religion. Perhaps your daughter has moved across the country or across the world, and you wonder if the distance in miles reflects the disconnection between you.Whatever the specifics of your situation, maybe you are thinking, Im so discouraged with my adult daughter. I dont know whats wrong, but we just dont get along. We surely dont have the relationship Id longed for. Or perhaps, Our connection is good but I want it to grow. And sometimes I worry about the choices shes making This book can help.Regardless of your past, present, or impending future, you and your daughter can be reunited; your relationship can be more satisfying. Its never too late to find the strength that comes from forgiveness and acceptance, the peace received from understanding and empathy. We hope that through the pages ahead youll find ways to step into your daughters shoes, or to reflect on your relationship with your own mother, or perhaps discover glimpses of hope and encouragement if your daughter is in crisis or estranged from you.Youll read some things we moms often unknowingly do and say that can either undermine or build the relationship. Weve also tucked in countless ways to help you connect or reconnect with your adult daughter, as well as some building blocks for a lifelong friendship. Discussion Questions are added for you to gather some moms and have your own conversations about the issues in the book. There are questions for each chapter, ideal for discussion in a small group, book club, or for individual reflection.Ali and I havent arrived. We are two very different, imperfect women who have worked on our relationship and learned to get along and enjoy and accept each other, but not without struggle along the way. We encourage each other and often make each other laugh. Yet we still have days when we are relating in an off-key way. We sometimes agree and other times disagree. But weve discovered an enduring bonda mother daughter duetthat enriches both of our lives.You and your daughter can too.It starts with you, Mom, even if it seems your daughter is unwilling. You can make the first move. You can change your approach and find new ways to relate to her. And a new relationship can grow through all the seasons that are ahead for both of you. what are the best selling books of 2018 Mother-Daughter Duet: Getting to the Relationship You Want with Your Adult Daughter
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful. I wish to have a super close relationship where we talk all the time and ...By CustomerThis book has really helped me relax and know that the issues I am having with my adult daughters are normal. I wish to have a super close relationship where we talk all the time and they want their space. I am learning not to take that personally because they need their space during this time in their lives. I read the chapter on communication when I feel rejected and it has helped me so much.0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Not really applicable to my situation but somewhat helpful. ...By S. krahmerNot really applicable to my situation but somewhat helpful. It's a bit more on the religious side for me.0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Hit the nail on the headBy CustomerThe mother, Cheri, is me. Everything she says I totally understand but I so much want to understand the daughter. I love A Daughter's Perspective. Ali makes me feel better because I feel like she's giving me insight into my own daughter. Thank you both. I consider this one of my bibles.