From Publishers WeeklyWhile admitting "there are no statistics on the subject," LeBey contends that estrangements between family members are "pervasive" and "escalating." She blames the baby-boom generation's "self-indulgence," women's liberation, rising divorce rates and "increased mobility," all of which have made it easier for people to leave their families for a job or other personal opportunity. LeBey, who claims that everyone suffers in a family estrangement, structures her book around case studies involving divorce, in-laws, sexual orientation, inheritance disputes, interracial/interfaith marriages ("what for many [families] is their worst nightmare") and family businesses. At the end of each chapter she offers pat advice to those left behind, like "never give up!" and "don't blame yourself." A lawyer and former judge with no background in psychology or family counseling, who is estranged from her own son, LeBey only interviewed people who were left behind, not people who chose to leave a relationship. Consequently, her case studies are one-sided and often simplistic, passing harsh judgments upon the people who initiate estrangement. LeBey claims it is not her intention to blame, yet she characterizes those who leave as "mean-spirited," "relentlessly cruel and punishing," "ruthless" and "irrational," accusing them of "poisoning the minds" of children and grandchildren against those left behind. While LeBey's take may comfort people in her position, it isn't likely to mend any fences. (Apr.)Forecast: Given her own affecting personal story, LeBey is a logical candidate for the talk shows; indeed, she is scheduled to appear on the Today Show on April 10. Since few other books address this topic, the book is likely to find its niche, although its flaws may curtail its long-term prospects.Copyright 2001 Cahners Business Information, Inc.From Library JournalWhile estrangement is a subtopic in books focusing primarily on divorce, parenting, interfaith and interracial marriages, and declaring homosexuality, this work deals specifically and soundly with family rifts. LeBey, a lawyer and former judge, draws on research and her own experience of alienation from her son to present a sensitive approach to dealing with estrangement. LeBey stresses how to reestablish relationships with a loved one and how to cope with the loss when overtures don't work. Her examples and anecdotes are drawn from a wide spectrum of family situations, her advice is consistent: be open to reconciliation, learn to forgive for inner peace, never stop reaching out, and learn to live a full and active life and build new relationships. Each chapter closes with straightforward and practical guidelines. This fine book not only recognizes a problem that most people conceal in shame but also fills a void in self-help literature. Highly recommended for public libraries. Kay Brodie, Chesapeake Coll., Wye Mills, MD Copyright 2001 Reed Business Information, Inc.From BooklistLeBey, a lawyer and former judge, writes from professional and personal experience about the pervasive but rarely discussed subject of family estrangement. She admits to painful estrangement from her son and includes that story unobtrusively among her other often heart-breaking accounts of family estrangement, in which many readers may see themselves and their families. She notes that "a variety of conflicts, misperceptions, petty grievances, prejudices and jealousies," consequent upon such irritants as competitive in-laws, interracial marriages, sexual orientation, and family businesses, lead to estrangement; and rising divorce rates and increased mobility have exacerbated the stress that leads to estrangement. LeBey interviewed family counselors, therapists, clergy, lawyers, and hundreds of persons affected by estrangement, many of whom reported cathartic relief in just talking about estrangement. She examines how conflicts start and develop, and at the end of each chapter she offers guidelines on how to develop sensitivity to hot-button issues in a family and avoid unrealistic expectations that sometimes lead to misunderstanding. Vanessa BushCopyright American Library Association. All rights reserved what books should a beginner read Family Estrangements: How They Begin, How to Mend Them, How to Cope With Them
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful. Shocked by daughter's withdrawal from me.By Dana LeopoldMany guidelines for working toward reconciliation.1 of 1 people found the following review helpful. It has been a good tool for meBy Barbara K. StyersThank you for getting this to me so fat. It has been a good tool for me.1 of 1 people found the following review helpful. I recommend it highlyBy June ReevesAn extraordinary book. I recommend it highly!!!