"Aims to show separating or divorcing parents how to overcome obstacles and build their own custody agreements." -- Washington Times"Clear, practical advice on identifying everyone's concerns, and strategies for effective negotiations." -- New York Daily NewsA step-by-step guide to help even the most hostile couples work out terms for raising children after the family splits. -- NewsdayAbout the AuthorMimi E. Lyster has been active in dispute resolution and other facilitated decision-making processes for 25 years. She brings experiences as a mediator, trainer, facilitator, strategic planner, and court policy analyst to her work with families, businesses, nonprofits, and government organizations. Lyster has co-founded a community mediation program, served on the California Dispute Resolution Council, the State Bar's Committee and was appointed to the 2020 California Court futures Commission. She maintains a limited private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area.Excerpt. Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.Introduction Before getting started on your parenting plan, you should understand the context in which your parenting decisions will be made. You Are Not Alone During the last quarter century, the expectation that two people would meet, marry, raise a family, and grow old together has changed. Studies over the past 10 years have confirmed that couples who divorce will be most likely to do so after about seven years of marriage, and that two-thirds of these divorcing families will include at least one child under the age of six. Statistics also show that more than a million children each year for the past 25 years have lived through a divorce. Other researchers have commented on the changing structure of the family. During the past 35 years, the divorce rate has quadrupled and births outside of marriage have increased by 22%. Many families relocate every few years, depriving these families of the benefits of living close to extended family. Researchers predict that nearly half of all babies born today will spend some time living in a one-parent family. A family in which biological parents stay together and raise their children to adulthood is now the reality only for about one-third of all couples. The new reality is that most parents will never marry, will marry and later divorce, or will create their families through artificial insemination or adoption. Keep Your Parenting Plan Focused on Your Children You and your children's other parent are about to undertake a difficult but very important project: making the best possible decisions about your parenting arrangements. Of course, it may be hard to separate the desire to have nothing more to do with your ex from the task of making decisions that are in your children's interest. After all, separation and divorce exist to solve adult problems, not to meet children's needs. Even if your separation or divorce will be better for your children in the long run, for the short term most children feel that things are worse. Divorce or separation can shake a child's confidence that he or she will continue to be loved, cared for, and safe. This is true even when children understand the reasons behind the decision. You and the other parent can help your children by using this book to develop an agreement that focuses on meeting your children's individual needs. The more attention you pay to those needs, the more likely you are to build an agreement that works for all of you. You and the other parent must honestly assess your relationship as parents and your ability to work together. To keep your agreement focused on your children, you must be willing to trust each other and set aside your anger, frustration, and pain, at least for a while. If you've just separated, you may think it will be impossible to trust and cooperate with the other parent. Many find, though, that trustful and cooperative relationships usually evolve over time. One of the most effective strategies for moving toward this kind of relationship is to build on points of agreement until you have crafted a comprehensive parenting plan. Dealing With Grief, Anger, Pain, Relief, Fear, and Other Messy Emotions Some compare the end of a marriage or other committed relationship to a death. The dreams that most of us bring to our relationships are huge. Add a child or children into the mix, and the combination is powerful indeed. Losing those dreams or seeing them fade away will stir powerful emotions in both parents. Add to this the fact that children go through their own worries, losses, and pain, and your divorce is likely to be a very difficult time -- at least at the beginning. Is all of this "normal"? In many respects, it would be strange if the changes associated with separation or divorce were not terribly difficult at first -- even if you are the one who ended the relationship. These are times where it makes sense to make space for feeling as if your emotions are "out of control," not knowing exactly how you feel, or wondering whether your feelings will ever settle down again. It is also a time to seek out some support. Powerful emotions are just part of the territory when relationships change or end. It's when you feel alone that the feelings can take over more of your world than may be healthy. Find good friends, relatives, a religious counselor, or trained mental health professional who can hear what you are feeling, and help keep things in perspective. In time, the initial pain and turmoil will lessen, and you will be able to move on to a more balanced frame of mind. Remember to look for support for your child as well. Some children feel best confiding in their parents, others worry about overloading an already-stressed parent, and so try to handle too much on their own. is downloading pdf books illegal Building a Parenting Agreement That Works: Child Custody Agreements Step by Step
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Power of knowledgeBy DoriBought this book for my stepdaughter when she filed for divorce. She finds this book to be informative during this temultous time in her life on custody issues. Emotions run high and being empowered by objective information centers one back on what the true issues are and how to handle them. She thanked me for this book several times.3 of 3 people found the following review helpful. Refocus the discussion on solutions.By A. ColbertThis book is well suited to low and medium conflict divorces. Within those parameters, it gets 5 stars; but I wouldn't recommend it if you are unable to negotiate over coffee without a lawyer.That being said, this book can keep a medium conflict divorce from *transforming* into a HIGH conflict one, where every decision is negotiated by lawyers. My ex and I were focused on the things that we can't agree on, but by simply setting those few issues aside to deal with in mediation, we've been about to make great progress on the 90% of things this book showed us that we *can* agree on.Again, I would NOT recommend this book for truly high conflict cases with restraining orders and public scream in matches and character assassination on Facebook... but it might keep if from getting to that point if there's any hope.2 of 2 people found the following review helpful. Single fathers and Pro SeBy James PlumbThis book will teach you what to do; instead of paying an attorney. The attorney I talked to wanted to charge me $500. to print out a basic agreement that was nothing more than a Word doc template.Protect yourself and your kid(s) rights to have you in their life.The Family Courts are so unbalanced in the woman's favor; 98% for them and 2% for men.If you are looking for help this book will provide it.