Fjelstad outlines the pros and cons of staying with vs. leaving a BP/NP partner, and suggests therapy and self-coaching strategies to help caretakers regain confidence. . . .VERDICT . . . Fjelstad delivers a thorough self-help guide for caretakers of BP/NP patients. Recommended for psychology collections. (Library Journal)I thoroughly enjoyed reading Fjelstads book and I found it informative, exciting, and above all very well written. Fjelstad is truly honest and frank about the fact that the borderline and narcissist are mentally ill and unwilling to change. She is open about the fact that caretakers too get something from the situation and that it is up to them to break the cycle of caretaking since the BP or NP is not going to change their ways. Fjelstad's advice is well thought out and practical which makes them easier to follow and she provides the reader with specific ideas and examples to how the caretaker can make the changes needed to rid themselves of the power that the BP or NP has over them. . . . [T]he book is excellent material for anyone that is living with or has any involvement with a BP or a NP, close or distant, since the book fosters understanding of the disorders and the need of the caretaker. The book can be of great use to psychology student, especially those in clinical psychology or those focusing on personality disorders. (Metapsychology Online s)Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist is refreshingly no-nonsense, provides lots of useful hints on how to put this self-care model into practice while at the same time informing thoroughly and in no uncertain terms about the BP/NP's view of the world. It is a most helpful book! (Addiction / Sucht / Adiccin)If your borderline or narcissistic family member wont or cant get help, this book will help you get over your fear, obligation and guilt and get on with your own wonderful life. (Randi Kreger, borderline and narcissistic personality disorders expert and advocate for families, the author/coauthor of Stop Walking on Eggshells and The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder)Margalis Fjelstad 's Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist is a must-have tool for disentangling from Borderline/Narcissistic Personality family patterns. I especially appreciate the important distinction made between codependency and caretaking. This book makes a complicated subject easy to read and understand. Fjelstad skillfully puts things in perspective by giving thorough attention to Rescuer/Victim/Persecutor dynamics in the 'Drama Triangle. (Elayne Savage, PhD, relationship and workplace coach; professional speaker; author of Dont Take It Personally! The Art of Dealing with Rejection and Breathing Room Creating Space to Be a Couple)Indispensable insight and advice for anyone who feels a loss of control due to his or her relationship with a toxic person. This book offers hope that control and confidence can be regained, while offering understanding that allows for prevention of such psychologically damaging relationships in the future. (Scott Barry Kaufman, Ph.D., adjunct asssistant professor of psychology, New York University)Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Nacissist is a well written book which highlights in straight forward language how people get caught in pathological caretaking roles. The author provides a self-assessment test which itself will help people recognize just how they have allowed themselves to be manipulated into being self-defeating, pathologically altruistic and how they unwittingly may collude with their borderline or narcissistic partner. She also offers clinical insights and advice on how to progress from being in a negative " drama triangle" to a more autonomous person in a "caring triangle" based on mutuality and reciprocity. This book is a self-help manual for identifying and changing maladaptive behavior. (Stefan A. Pasternack, M.D. DLFAPA, affiliate clinical professor of psychiatry, Florida Atlantic)About the AuthorMargalis Fjelstad, PhD, LMFT, has a private psychotherapy practice in Ft. Collins, CO, specializing in work with clients who are in relationship to someone who has borderline or narcissistic personality disorder, and she facilitates groups on Caretaker recovery. She has previously been an Adjunct Faculty member at Regis University in Colorado Springs and at California State University in Sacramento. what is the best blog for writers Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get On with Life
212 of 221 people found the following review helpful. This is worth 10 Stars!By SheHaving been raised in a family with a borderline/narcissist mother, and an enabling father, I have been in denial most of my life about how dysfunctional our life was. This book has forced my eyes open in a way that 7 years with my therapist could not do. Granted, as a recovering Caretaker, I was ready to hear the whole truth about how dysfunctional I had become and how much work is ahead of me to fix myself and not the other people in my life, but this book got into every nook and cranny of dysfunction and called it what it was. I am shocked at all the connections I never made and dismayed at how much I still need to change but I am going to do the hard work ahead. Dysfunction has affected at least 4 generations, I want the buck to stop with me so my kids have a better role model.85 of 89 people found the following review helpful. Listen to Your Gut and Read this BookBy Steven HaackIf anyone has hurt you emotionally, physically or mentally on a continued basis and you're trying to decide whether to leave or not, then this book is for you. If you have left an abusive person, then this book is for you. If you have or had controlling parents, boyfriend, girlfriends or boss, then this book is for you. This book could also be helpful if you are or have been involved with an alcoholic or addict. The author does an excellent job at the describing these abusive people, how to let go of them and how to rebuild your life.A bonus is that the author clearly defines what to look for in a healthy relationship. The following is my summary, but the author's ideas.A real relationship is based on each person giving the other approximately the same amount of energy as the other receives. Whether this energy is in the form of attention, invitations, gifts, advice, help, or understanding does not matter. This is called reciprocity.A healthy relationship is* One that is nurturing to one another,* Fulfills the relational needs of each person and* Attends to the interests and desires of each other.In addition, a healthy relationship* Does not drain the other, but gives the other energy,* Helps each other feel relaxed and* Makes the other feel wanted and cared for.56 of 58 people found the following review helpful. Supportive and helpfulBy norawaypointI'm a psychotherapist who uses this book to help people emerge from these troubled relationships. It's ery helpful for people who have made the decision to part ways with a borderline or narcissistic partner and need to understand their part in the dynamic. "Stop Walking on Eggshells" is a better match for family members or people who choose or need to survive an ongoing connection of this sort.