From Publishers WeeklyAccording to Engel, "in the past twenty-five years studies on abuse and family assaults strongly suggest that abused children become abusers themselves," yet victims often dont receive any treatment until their repetition of the abuse is already underway. In this clear, empathetic self-help book, Engel aims to stop that cycle by teaching readers to remember the past truthfully, to identify and manage their emotions, and to recognize the characteristics of abusive relationships. An experienced psychotherapist and prolific author (The Emotionally Abused Woman; Loving Him without Losing You, etc.), Engel is also an abuse survivor herself. Her attitude towards her readers is gentle and understanding; she clearly knows firsthand how difficult victim and abuser patterns are to break. Readers are expected to perform a good deal of homework aiming at self-discovery: answering simple questions, writing down their memories, tracing family patterns, etc. Some may argue that Engel presents the most crucial advicewhat to do if youve already become abusivetoo late in volume, by which point an abuser may have dropped the book. But the middle chapterson shame and its manifestations, on anger, sorrow and fearare some of the best, especially when Engel delves into the effects of physical, sexual and emotional abuse on children. Though she deals thoroughly with the psychology of victims, Engel concentrates far more than in her earlier books on trying to reach violent and sexual offenders. Violation begets violation, she says. Parental attitudes and behavior, be they cruel, indifferent or supportive, are passed on to later generations. This book is an excellent choice for readers who come from an abusive past and are struggling to make a brighter future for themselves and their families.Copyright Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved. .".. an excellent choice for readers who come from an abusive past and are struggling to make a brighter future." ("Publishers Weekly Annex on-line, November 15, 2004)According to Engel, "in the past twenty-five years studies on abuse and family assaults strongly suggest that abused children become abusers themselves," yet victims often don't receive any treatment until their repetition of the abuse is already underway. In this clear, empathetic self-help book, Engel aims to stop that cycle by teaching readers to remember the past truthfully, to identify and manage their emotions, and to recognize the characteristics of abusive relationships. An experienced psychotherapist and prolific author (The Emotionally Abused Woman; Loving Him without Losing You, etc.), Engel is also an abuse survivor herself. Her attitude towards her readers is gentle and understanding; she clearly knows firsthand how difficult victim and abuser patterns are to break. Readers are expected to perform a good deal of homework aiming at self-discovery: answering simple questions, writing down their memories, tracing family patterns, etc. Some may argue that Engel presents the most crucial advice--what to do if you've already become abusive--too late in volume, by which point an abuser may have dropped the book. But the middle chapters--on shame and its manifestations, on anger, sorrow and fear--are some of the best, especially when Engel delves into the effects of physical, sexual and emotional abuse on children. Though she deals thoroughly with the psychology of victims, Engel concentrates far more than in her earlier books on trying to reach violent and sexual offenders. Violation begets violation, she says. Parental attitudes and behavior, be they cruel, indifferent or supportive, are passed on to later generations. This book is an excellent choice for readers who come from anabusive past and are struggling to make a brighter future for themselves and their families. ("Publishers Weekly Annex on-line, November 15, 2004)From the Inside FlapIf you were emotionally, physically, or sexually abused as a child or adolescent, or if you experienced neglect or abandonment, it isn't a question of whether you will continue the cycle of abuse or neglect but rather a question of how-- whether you will become an abuser or continue to be a victim. Until now, you may not have had the resources you needed to sort through the debris of your childhood before embarking on a new life as a husband, a wife, a partner, or a parent, and you risk passing on abuse or neglect to your partner and children. Now, in this breakthrough book, Beverly Engel, one of the world's leading experts on emotional and sexual abuse, explains how to stop the cycle of abuse once and for all. There isn't just one way to break the cycle; there are many. In this powerful book Engel offers you empowering tools focusing on support and compassion, education, abuse prevention strategies, and long-term recovery strategies. If you are just starting to see signs of abusive or neglectful behavior in yourself or in a partner, if you are a victim of abuse, or if you are continuing a pattern of abuse, Engel gives you the ability-- in the privacy of your home and at your own pace-- to complete an entire therapeutic program designed to help prevent you from crossing the line or from continuing to do so. Throughout the book, Engel shares many dramatic personal stories, including her own experiences with abuse and abusive behavior. She also addresses the sensitive topic of sexual abuse and how to avoid becoming an abuser if you were sexually abused yourself. Engel explains why abusive patterns are established and presents both short-term and long-term strategies forgaining control over emotions while offering alternative ways to react to stress, anger, fear, and shame-- significant factors in continuing the cycle of abuse. Her step-by-step program provides the skills needed to: Stop negative behavior before it becomes habitual and causes significant harm to your loved ones Heal the damage you experienced from prior abuse or neglect Change negative attitudes and beliefs that create a victim or abuser mentality Learn healthy ways of communicating needs and resolving conflicts Learn parenting skills that will help prevent you from passing on what was done to you Repair damage that has already occurred to your relationships, including those with your children Seek out further assistance and support Those who perpetuate the cycle of neglect and abuse do so because they are out of control and feel they have no other options. Breaking the Cycle of Abuse shows you those options, giving you the power to break abusive patterns for good and offering a legacy of hope and healing to you and your family. how do i create a web form Breaking the Cycle of Abuse: How to Move Beyond Your Past to Create an Abuse-Free Future
8 of 8 people found the following review helpful. Helpful Companion bookBy DelyThis is a good companion book after reading "Toxic Parents" and "Mothers Who Can't Love" both by Dr. Susan Forward first. The reason why I am recommending these books first is because Dr. Forward's books are more IMHO compassionate. They help you acknowledge the abuse, get out of denial, and teach you how to deal with the rightful anger, pain and grief that occurred due to childhood abuse etc. Once you've done these things, then you are ready for the next step which is this book. This is more advanced whereas "Toxic Parents" and "Mothers Who Can't Love"are for building the foundation desperately needed in the first place and to break the ice and to begin breaking the chains of abuse and to break the cycle of abuse.4 of 4 people found the following review helpful. SO GOOD!By GinaThis book was so amazing! It broke things out in a way I'd never thought of and really had you work through things with great exercises. I've recommended it to at least 3 people and bought it for one person. I'll read it again!6 of 7 people found the following review helpful. Good read from both sidesBy SurvivorUnfortunately, the abusers are so busy with denial they won't even consider reading this book.It is a good book for our older children. They will most likely become either an abuser or a target of abuse. That's the way this insidious problem works. After reading this book which I thought was very good, I passed it along to my daughter. Hopefully when she's finished, my second daughter will read it... then (with a prayer) my son may read it also. They are all young adults.If any one thing about abuse can devastate a woman beyond all others, it is the fact that her children are likely to follow the pattern of one or both parents, or vacillate between the two. Perhaps if they are aware of it, they may stop the denial long enough to see and understand the hell their abusive parent has brought upon the whole family -- and break the cycle of abuse. It's not a "daddy bashing" book and it is for adults. But maybe, just maybe it will help everyone be aware that they must set and enforce boundaries and respect other people's boundaries.