From Publishers WeeklyThe key to easing conflict within a love relationship, contend therapists Cohen and Rogovin, is to understand one's attachment style. Drawing on examples from film and television to illustrate psychologist Mary Ainsworth's attachment theory, they describe the three basic styles--secure, "avoidant" or ambivalent--that develop as a result of interaction between mother and infant. In adult relationships, they explain, one's attachment style shows in how one negotiates emotional comfort. Secure adults are responsive to their own and others' feelings, and are confident in love, while avoidant adults are the opposite. Ambivalent adults are "fools for love" who quickly fall in and out of relationships because they passionately desire comfort and support but cannot accept it. After identifying their attachment style at the outset, readers can then confirm their "couple fit" from among the six possible combinations by consulting the corresponding chapter, which presents anecdotal examples from the authors' therapy practice and concludes with suggestions for managing the communication breakdowns typical of each pairing. For example, a Secure person with an Avoidant mate is advised to "drag your partner in on the 'small stuff,'" while a Secure person with an Ambivalent mate is advised to "save your grandstand plays for the big issues." Although the authors have stronger advice for some fits than others, and don't always balance their examples according to gender, their approach to the puzzle of improving communication between intimate partners is basically solid. (Jan.) Copyright 1999 Reed Business Information, Inc.From the Back CoverCouple Fits explores why someone you love can make you crazy and how you can significantly ease conflict simply by understanding your "attachment style". Our very first attachment relationship -- as infants to our mothers -- remains with us throughout our lives, and determines how we act and react to one another. We use these behaviors to seek the greatest degree of emotional comfort and security in social interactions -- especially with a love partner. This book will identify both your and your partner's attachment styles, show the potential problems that arise from those styles, and offer constructive solutions.You will learn: -- The identity of the three attachment styles-- How to communicate with your partner more effectively about your wants and needs, and how to encourage him/her to do the same-- How to "read" arguments correctly, by recognizing the elemental issues at stake-- How to properly interpret each other's motivations-- How to give negative feedback in a positive way, so that disagreements don't escalate into major fightsAbout the AuthorEvelyn S. Cohen, M.S., is a marriage and family therapist with the New York Institute of Psychological change. She has hosted her own radio show and appeared as a relationship expert on "Ricki Lake" and "Geraldo." She is frequently invited to address employees of such corporations as Salomon Brothers and Citibank. what is a book talk examples Couple Fits: How to Live with the Person You Love
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful. A Readable Guide to Couple RelationshipsBy A CustomerThis book nicely balances practical suggestions with a theoretical foundation. The authors help the reader to identify the reasons for a couple's interactions, and offers practical ideas on how to work on issues between partners.They describe three attachment styles--secure, avoidant, and ambivalent and during the course of the book help the reader to move to a more meaningful relationship with his or her partner.Though they are clearly strongly influenced by John Bowlby's attachment theory, they don't hide behind jargon. It is a very pleasant read! I especially liked the "pearls" sprinkled throughout the book.3 of 3 people found the following review helpful. Couple FitsBy DominicVery comprehensive overview on how relationship dynamics operate; provides a framework to demonstrate how different characters can conflict under everyday life. Clear explanations of the 3 major behavioural types the book proceeds to identify all the different permutations that exists.It works through various case studies under each combination provides useful tips on how to function 'better' within a long term relationship, yet maintaining your own ethos.This was a very good comfort read for me