The most intelligent and lucid account Ive read of human psychology. - Carol GilliganApter . . . risks the wrath of anyone who romanticizes mother love as instinctual and universal by describing, candidly and cogently, the framework in which children experience their most significant attachment. - Huffington PostThis sound, intelligent book is a good starting point for a self-examination. - Publishers WeeklyApters advice will help readers make sense of difficult mother-child relationships and develop strategies for reshaping responses and expectations. . . . Anyone with a problematic maternal relationship will find empathy and therapeutic approaches for healing. - Library JournalAbout the AuthorTerri Apter is a writer, psychologist, and retired Fellow of Newnham College, Cambridge. Her nine books include The Sister Knot and What Do You Want from Me? She lives in Cambridge, England. what do you enjoy about reading Difficult Mothers: Understanding and Overcoming Their Power
49 of 51 people found the following review helpful. Would like to see this book more widely promotedBy judith birdThis book was reviewed in The Age newspaper, Melbourne Australia in June 2012, and on the strength of the review I purchased the Kindle version. At the 15% 'in' mark on the Kindle, I ordered hard copy.The subject matter can be emotionally difficult reading for those who have had the experience of a difficult mother but ultimately, for me, has proven the most rewarding and beneficial of all the writing tackled on this topic.Dr Apter draws together the threads of much research into a coherent whole. By addressing the physical and emotional connections made or not made, in infancy, she demonstrates cause and effect in a way that gave me permission for the first time to say that I had a 'difficult mother' without feeling guilt, shame or doubt.Her practical application of a list of possible self-reflections after each section provides a way to work out for yourself what you can do to put the past behind you, but take forward whatever benefits there may be had from that past.She individualises various 'types' of difficult mothers, but allows that some mothers can be a combination. And she is at pains to point out that 'difficult mothering' can be carried through generations unless the capacity for self-reflection can be developed. This is not a 'blaming' book, but a book that looks at the 'facts' - cause and effect - so providing a rational means of viewing the situation and deciding on what is practical and appropriate for the individual.I'd recommend this book to anyone who feels they had a difficult parent, and particularly to anyone who wants to raise their children in a different way to how they were raised themselves. And, happily, it's a clear, concise read with sufficient succinct examples to make her points.38 of 41 people found the following review helpful. The most well-written book about difficult mothersBy NamasteI can't believe this book doesn't have more reviews. I am in my mid 20's and have always known and dealt with the fact that I had a very toxic and difficult mother but was often frustrated at never being able to find the right words to describe the dynamic and I was also often confronted with the attitude "but your mom loves you"/the typical "mothers do no wrong" stereotype that Dr. Apter describes in the book. Only a few pages in, I was elated and wanted to cry at having found such a book. Thank you Dr. Apter for writing this book. For once, I feel understood. I feel I can clearly understand my childhood as well as the lasting effects of it. Anyone who is dealing with a difficult mother needs to read this book!4 of 4 people found the following review helpful. It's Not You; It's Your Mother...By Jennifer A.I'm not crazy after all... This book was very affirming. I bought it for each of my siblings, too!