From Publishers WeeklyStarred . At age 37, Janine Latus's younger sister, Amy, was strangled to death by her live-in boyfriend, bundled in a plastic tarp and buried beside a remote country road. It was a wretched end to a too-short life, one frequently marked by disappointment, sadness and struggle. In the hands of a less gifted writer, Amy's story might stand only as an encomium or a cautionary tale: a glimpse into the life of one abused woman, representative of thousands like it. But Latus weaves a double strand. Part memoir, part biography, the book (which grew out of an article in O Magazine) explores Latus's own relationships with abusive menand her eventual emancipation from a marriage riven by emotional and physical violence. Latus has a spare, economical style, softened by an undercurrent of humor and marked by a total absence of self-pity. When on a ski vacation, a boyfriend brutally beats her, breaking several of her ribs and her noseand then makes love to her, in a twisted form of penanceLatus doesn't wince in the retelling. She lets ambiguities and contradictions abide: she loved her husband, even as he humiliated and hurt her. Had things been slightly different, she seems to say, sheand not Amymight have perished at the hands of her partner. Unforgettable, unsentimental and profoundly affecting, Latus's book resonates long after the final page is turned. (May) Copyright Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.From BooklistHaving suffered through a childhood of rebellion against an abusive father and escaped to an uncertain early adulthood, Latus maintained contact with her family, particularly her younger sister, Amy. Whereas Janine was thin and obsessed with her appearance, Amy was overweight. Both were in abusive relationships, each giving a highly edited version of her life to her sister. Janine painfully records the slow erosion in her own self-imagetoo eager to please men, even going so far as to have breast implantswhile she chronicles Amy's struggle with weight, divorce from an alcoholic, and eventual enrollment in college. Janine explores her own self-justification for taking abuse from her husband, citing his devotion, passion, and attempts to keep the marriage together. All the time, she recognizes the looks of her stepchildrenthe cringing against imminent explosionsas feelings she and her siblings had had growing up with a volatile and abusive father. When Amy is murdered by yet another unsuitable man, Janine confronts the cost that women pay for pretending that all is well. A heartbreaking look at domestic violence. Bush, Vanessa "From the first line I was captured and couldn't put the book down. In these pages is the echo of so many other stories I have known. You may have known Amy. You might have been Amy. I could have been Amy. For anyone trapped in the maddening internal banter that justifies another's sinister actions, read this book. You will walk taller from these pages. A story of heartbreak and liberation."-- Julie Gregory, author of Sickened"Janine Latus' memoir of domestic abuse depicts two life journeys: Janine's own escape from a violent boyfriend and her sister's tragic death at the hands of one. Both stories are powerful cautionary tales that shine a bright light into the darkness of domestic abuse. There are no heroes here -- just real people whose bravely told stories could save lives." --Betsy Lerner, Author of Food and Loathing what are the best sites to download free pdf books If I Am Missing or Dead: A Sister's Story of Love, Murder, and Liberation
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful. Interesting book that is well worth reading!By Alice AIn April 2002, the authors youngest sister, Amy, wrote a note that contained the words If I am missing or dead and taped it to the inside of her desk drawer Since most of the book deals with the authors difficulties with her own husband, I am among those who thinks it would have been better if the author, Janine Latus, had not given the wrong impression about the biggest part of the book. Only the last pages deal with her sisters murder. That being said, the author does a good job of honestly chronicling her life and goes back to what is apparently the root of her problem and also that of her sistertheir father.Janine, a brilliant student, graduates from college with honors and marries her successful lover after he gets a divorce. Much of the book deals with the abuse she suffered at the hands of her husband until she finally got the courage to leave him. As for Amy, she gets married at a young age, gains a lot of weight, and leads a sad life. She does get a divorce but ends up in a much worse relationship with a man who has a criminal past. This live-in boyfriend strangles her and leaves her body on a deserted country road. Sadly, their father has not learned from his mistakes and his eulogy at Amys memorial service is very inappropriate.In spite of that one issue I mentioned in the first paragraph, the book is interesting and well worth reading. It is the kind of book that one will remember long after finishing it.8 of 8 people found the following review helpful. PainfulBy Tracy L KarolI read this book several months ago and was really bothered by some of the reviews, which is why I finally decided to write my own. The author has been attacked for telling her own story and not much of her sister's, Amy, who was murdered. But that is a big part of the story. Amy hid what was happening to her and the results were tragic. Janine also does a great job at delving into their shared childhood and what led both sisters to the choices they made. Haunting, powerful and tragic. A reminder of what to watch for in our own lives.0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Good start at soul searching.....By J. WeilandI first learned of Janine Latus from a Google News link to her essay (freely available from her website) "Self Esteem: The Repair Kit". The essay was quite good and on the mark......it would be an apt epilogue chapter to "If I'm Missing or Dead...". From my reading of the book, it really is about 'Love, Murder, and Liberation', but in a more general sense than the physical murder of her sister.'Love'...or the lack thereof.... is what Latus explores in her Self Esteem essay, but understanding the importance of this lack during childhood is crucial to understanding the behavior patterns of Janine and her sister as well as the men they choose as partners in the book. If one considers Shengold's "Soul Murder: The Effects of Childhood Abuse and Deprivation" in this light, then the context is not just about the Latus family, but all families that are imprisoned in a shame, silence, fear, and repression. As a fellow "Catholic in recovery", I can offer that 'Murder' refers not only to the death of Amy, but to the murder of children's souls by the ideals set forth by the culture in collaboration with the church. 'Liberation' is the more sticky issue, since there are many forms of supposed liberation that, given time, simply prove to be covering more of the truth: 'Liberation' in our culture is still too laden with the idea of being 'unburdened'......and as Janis Joplin reminded us, "Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose...."Still, a good work and I am recommending it to friends.